prune and grow

I had a four day weekend this weekend. Before you get too jealous I should explain that it was a result of furlough days, so I didn't get paid. But nevertheless it was nice to just relax and it felt like a surprise on Friday night when I realized, "wait, today wasn't Saturday, tomorrow is Saturday" and on Sunday night when I realized, "I don't have to wake up at 6am tomorrow after all!"

On Saturday I spent a large portion of my day at my all time favorite coffee shop in Long Beach, Viento y Agua. A lovely friend sat down next to me and we had little snippets of conversation throughout our time there. At one point we were discussing our attempts to simplify our lives, and she said something more profound than I think she realized for where I am and where so many of us are in life...

"prune and grow"

Tim and I had a pot at our old studio filled with mint. Mint is an extremely invasive plant. Technically, by nature of being "invasive", it is a weed. We never found enough recipes to use it all up before it grew to the point of choking itself out. About once a month it would begin to shrivel and wilt and brown. The leaves became smaller, bland tasting, and on their way to death. We discovered that all we had to do was cut it back to only a few small leaves that would catch the sunlight and feed the whole network of roots and vines. We would bury all the other vines and roots except these few leaves and give it lots of water every few days. Then, without fail, in a few weeks we would have a pot full of lush, bright green, flavorful, fragrant mint with huge, healthy leaves.

As of October of 2010, for the first time in at least 8 or 9 years, I have 1 job. Just one. I wake up at the same time of day 5 days a week. These days I have one schedule to manage, one paycheck expect, one roommate to coordinate lives with, and the list goes on. I can remember the days of 8 hours driving all over so cal working for the agency, and then changing clothes as I drove over the Vincent Thomas Bridge from PV to put in 6-8 hours at the restaurant and coming home without an ounce of energy to let my roommates or friends know I cared about them...and then waking up to do it again. All the while jumping on any chance to babysit and pick up some extra cash to make ends meet. It all created a world in which I was subhuman. I am so grateful for the good gifts God has given us in the last year. For blessing us with the chance to live a more simple life.

While I was sitting next to Aly Saturday at the coffee shop I was crocheting a scarf. She starting talking about the rarity these days of hobbies, at least for enjoyment's sake alone. Even our hobbies can become chores, projects that hover, or another avenue of making some extra money. I have no idea who this scarf will be given to. I had no need for it. I have no deadline. I just like to crochet. It's relaxing and fun. I have to fight the urge even to want to fill my life with more hobbies. :)

Prune and grow.

I think when we allow our lives to just fill and fill with extra obligations and tasks and projects we begin to die. And every area of our lives is affected and begins to suffer. Nothing is full and rich, but everything becomes dry and lifeless and tired and stifled. But if we can refocus on the 2 0r 3 things we want to pursue, we'll flourish and grow and become better people for the world.

back to my scarf...

being sick=slow down

So I've got this awesome track record of getting sick on 3 day weekends since I started this new school job. Fortunately?? this time I'm sick into the week...so I've got some time off of work instead of just no weekend. Unfortunately, no one does my work while I'm gone...it just grows and waits for me. So my fabulous husband drove me to my office this morning, as my head was too much of a balloon to trust my driving skills, and I got my laptop and a pile of files and I'm workin from home. Right now I'm on a break. :)

In other, much more serious news, I miss my family so much right now. My gramma just underwent a heart procedure and has encountered a few complications along the way. She's stable now and called this morning to update me, but I hate being 2 thousand miles from her at times like this. My niece is growing up faster than I can imagine and I'm missing all the important things like first steps and first words. Basically, I wish we all lived closer. This isn't a new dilemma or an easy one. But Tim and I have started thinking about options. Until now we've just vowed to make a large financial commitment to see them a few times every year. That alone isn't easy, but allows us to remain in our church/friend community here in Long Beach and keep our jobs, which we both love. But we also wonder if waiting is just postponing the inevitable...

No easy decisions to make. We'll keep praying for wisdom for now.

sometimes silly things just hit you in a way that seems really profound

like when a kid on my caseload points for the first time, or says "Go", or waves and says hi without any help. It makes me want to jump up and down and cry tears of joy.

or when you go get coffee at the place on the corner in front of our new apartment and the sweet little owner lady is so happy to see a new face and when you leave says "see you tomorrow!"

or i get to sit at a table in a dining room with my husband for a meal and then go to ANOTHER room to watch one of our favorite show (parks and rec) on hulu before bed.

or you realize that you're doing a good job at your job and that your boss is happy about what you're doing and is somewhat impressed. (i can be insecure sometimes)

or you spend your last night cleaning your old place drinking beer and getting into a passionate conversation about politics, the economy and social norms with your landlord...who distracts you from cleaning until 10:30 pm and ends up on his hands and knees scrubbing floors with you.

Just little things that mean a lot.

We're Moving!

We lived inside of a 350sq ft box for all of our marriage thus far, and now we get to stretch our legs and have a bedroom! I can't wait!
Here's a stroll down memory lane for those of you who have journeyed with us in what we lovingly call "casa hermosita".


Here's Tim installing our kitchen floor. The place was a hole when we first moved in. But Tim is a talented talented man. He redid all the floors, rebuilt a wall in the bathroom and I was the lucky helper who got to roll the cast iron tub out of the room on a skateboard so he could redo those floors too! It was very much "ours". But 9 months of sharing a full sized murphy bed is 9 months too long. Our marriage has definitely been strengthened during this time. Learning how to live simply, compromise, be patient, and many other lessons were brought to us during this time.

But now we get to MOVE! Our favorite thing about the new apartment is that we can have friends over! Like, more than 2 at a time! We're excited to have a home we can share with others and have dinner parties and game nights and celebrations in.

We have private rooftop access (we're the building managers), and Tim has space for an office in a separate room, and we have a kitchen that 2 people or maybe even 3 or 4 can stand in at a time!!! It's like a mansion! :)

We can't wait to have you over to watch a sunset and enjoy dinner with us.

"I fell down"

When you have a giant, blue, fiberglass arm people ask you the same question. Strangers and friends alike want to know "what happened?". As much as my creativity could have run rampant here, my tired and lazy response over the past month was "I fell down". If you were a close friend you heard the long story, but basically, I did just that. I fell down and broke an elbow. My ulna to be exact. And thus, for a month, I was forced to "be gentle to myself" as the dear Mrs. Prouty put it.
Soooo, I read a great book compliments of a pastor/friends recommendation Surrender to Love. I clumsily and slowly knit nothing bigger than a coaster, but managed to crochet a few hats for some beloved children and family (you only need one hand to crochet!). I politely asked my loving husband to do the dishes each and every day after he cooked almost every meal for me (such a wonderful man). and I learned how to put my contacts in with one hand all by myself when I had limitless hours to get ready in the morning. I was definitely forced, despite my hard work ethic and general inability to just sit, to be gentle to myself. It was nice.

Here's a pic of the day I got the cast on. It was actually on the day of our 2 yr anniversary from our first official date. So, since the doc was in LA, we went back to the same restaurant from Dec. 10, 2008, Toi: rock and roll thai food. So yummy.


I'm back to work on Monday, full force. sort of. Thanks to everyone who's kept me company in the meantime and gone on "hikes" (walks) and helped me do laundry! :) I promise to do my best not to fall down and break any more bones. Or at least have a better story next time.

cheers!

really really beautiful life

it's been rainy for the past week here in Long Beach. I love it so much. And I always hesitate when Tim talks about moving to Seattle maybe someday, mostly he loves that they allow goats as pets :), and also all the mountains and green forests to explore. I think I need sunny days, but this rain is bringing out a very introspective, quiet part of me that I've been too busy to entertain since...maybe right before I started dating Tim! I really have been living in crisis mode for a long while now. Working long hours at unsatisfying jobs, unsure of where life will take me, not feeling totally known by any one person....
But this quiet, soft rain, paired with the season of life I find myself in recently is really really beautifully at peace. It's like the world is just as it should be. At least my small corner for the moment. I love my new job. It's not without it's craziness and drama and inefficiencies, but I feel totally happy there. Forever. The weight of these things are sinking in slowly. As I was talking with my mom picking our insurance policy options I was seeing things like "will cover Access transportation" which is for people in wheelchairs and I initially thought, yeah, we don't need that. But then, we might, in 35 years when I retire...from this job. Unless we move, this is exactly where I want to be in 35 years. It's weird! and awesome.
Tim and I have also been really free lately to do the things we love. Climb mountains, work in the garden, ride our bikes to the farmer's market, cook dinner together, enjoy our evenings together, lead a lifegroup at church, spend time with family. It's been so good to relax and enjoy life with him. And realize that everyday I get to know him a little bit more. Marriage doesn't magically enlighten you to know everything about a person the minute you say I do. I knew that before, but I'm realizing it in real life now...and realizing it's up to me to actively pursue that.

life is very very beautiful. it always has been, and always will be.

Road Trippin

I've driven the 13,000+ miles along I-40 between Oklahoma City and California 15 times now. We always say that we'll make the road trip a part of the fun, but every time, as soon as we're behind that wheel, we just want to "get there". This last trip I drove through a torrential rain storm complete with a lightning show in the darkest hour of the night. My mind convinced me there were tornadoes all around so I called my mom at 4:44AM her time and asked her to check weather reports for whatever stretch of nothingness we were in the middle of at the time. No tornadoes, just rain and streaks of light and my fearful imagination. But I have such an awesome mom. She stayed up and chatted with me for a good 1/2 hour while the hubs snoozed in the back so he could take over in Flagstaff. This pic is of a sunrise on the road. I love the sky.

The highlight of the trip was Miss Eleanor Jaquier Ann Earley. Our beautiful niece.
She does this amazing thing when she looks at you. Upon first glance she checks you over, once, maybe twice up and down. Then she locks eyes with you, a grin breaks out on her precious face, and then...her eyes widen and brighten as she's overwhelmed with how adorable she knows she is and she rolls her eyes and turns away with a squeal of happiness. It's the best thing in the world.

My sister has earned super mom of the year award in my opinion for being an amazing matron of honor in our wedding while caring for Elle just 6 weeks after her birth. And now, to top it off, she's recovering from back surgery with so much grace and patience as she also figures out how to take care of a newborn and all the new challenges that brings. But with a baby as awesome as Elle, I bet it is full of joy no matter what the challenge.
P.S. Can't wait for Tim to be a daddy. I mean, yes I can. I can wait 4 more years.