Sunday, October 24, 2010

really really beautiful life

it's been rainy for the past week here in Long Beach. I love it so much. And I always hesitate when Tim talks about moving to Seattle maybe someday, mostly he loves that they allow goats as pets :), and also all the mountains and green forests to explore. I think I need sunny days, but this rain is bringing out a very introspective, quiet part of me that I've been too busy to entertain since...maybe right before I started dating Tim! I really have been living in crisis mode for a long while now. Working long hours at unsatisfying jobs, unsure of where life will take me, not feeling totally known by any one person....
But this quiet, soft rain, paired with the season of life I find myself in recently is really really beautifully at peace. It's like the world is just as it should be. At least my small corner for the moment. I love my new job. It's not without it's craziness and drama and inefficiencies, but I feel totally happy there. Forever. The weight of these things are sinking in slowly. As I was talking with my mom picking our insurance policy options I was seeing things like "will cover Access transportation" which is for people in wheelchairs and I initially thought, yeah, we don't need that. But then, we might, in 35 years when I retire...from this job. Unless we move, this is exactly where I want to be in 35 years. It's weird! and awesome.
Tim and I have also been really free lately to do the things we love. Climb mountains, work in the garden, ride our bikes to the farmer's market, cook dinner together, enjoy our evenings together, lead a lifegroup at church, spend time with family. It's been so good to relax and enjoy life with him. And realize that everyday I get to know him a little bit more. Marriage doesn't magically enlighten you to know everything about a person the minute you say I do. I knew that before, but I'm realizing it in real life now...and realizing it's up to me to actively pursue that.

life is very very beautiful. it always has been, and always will be.

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