a heart of gratitude.

You'd think after all the research i've done on virtue theory and moral emotions that i'd be a pro by now...
The other day I took the time to read the past few months of journal entries and saw a trend of general pessimism and negativity. I saw daily stress and unexpected, expensive events as legitimate reasons to feel completely defeated and helpless. And i remember praying several times to God to give me a true spirit of gratitude. I knew that I could muster up a list of reasons to be thankful...but I longed to feel truley, naturally grateful for life.
I wish I could say that I arrived at this state even in the midst of all my trials. Of course, it came later as I was relieved of some financial burdens, as I drove the car purchased to replace my wrecked one, and as I sat in a warm, loving home that has recently been opened up to me...and after my landlord decided he was going to help us clean our apartment to rentable condition so we could get back our deposit, and then proceeded to wash our cars for us (who is this guy???). But regardless of how I came to this peaceful and grateful state, I was recently asked by a friend who sat next to me in church, "how's life?" and I paused and sincerely answered, "really really good". he was suprised at my enthusiasm, and so was I.

God is so good to us, even when we are so untrusting and humanly afraid of the world.