the wilderness

I just got back from a trip with some old college friends to yosemite national park. We spent a few days camping and hiking up to half dome. it was glorious and physically strenuous (which I thrive on) and beautiful and restful (in the sense that we escaped responsibility) and just liberating. I love the outdoors and I love being in them for extended periods of time, especially in good company. A friend on the trip perked up his ears when I mentioned the idea of doing the John Muir trail...he's actually doing the entire Pacific Crest Trail beginning in April and I just might join him. 2650 miles from mexico to canada....about 5 months to finish.

here are my thoughts...on the one hand, heck yes. that sounds amazing and exhilarating and this is probably the last time in my life that i can as far as time and commitments go. I keep feeling the urge to get out of the country or move to a new city or work in an orphanage somewhere...maybe what i need is 5 months in the wild. and it would be a great last adventure before grad school gets for reals again for another 4-5 years.

on the other hand...5 months is a huge chunk of time. there are all sorts of logistical hesitations like $ and storage for all my crap i wish i didn't have but can't just toss/sell. and while it sounds exhilarating it also is something that seems like it'd just be for me. and i don't think i'd be happy doing something just for me. i don't think i need a big break before i start learning how i can best give again, because giving isn't exhausting to me, it's what makes me come alive. so i think i'd feel not just guilty but empty if i was camping for such a long time. i need to be investing in the lives of people who are in need.

sort of in the same way that new years resolutions irritate me. if you want to change something in your life, why do you wait until january 1st to do it. just do it. right now. I think i'm just antsy because i seem to have found a place/church/people/and potential education and career that i really love and am happy with and am experiencing God in...and i don't think I'm supposed to leave any of it. but i feel like after you finish school somewhere you're supposed to move on...but Long Beach feels relatively permanent...for now. :) anyways...maybe the pct...maybe just john muir...either way i love the wilderness and the solitude and perspective it gives me.

God's creation is SO good.