the colonel, denzel, and anita.

about a week or so ago allison and sarah and i had an incredible night. we sat on the stoop talking for an hour about our hearts and souls and there was healing and growth in that time as we all sat bundled in blankets....that moved into the living room for a dance party to noah and the whale that just can't be described as anything but freeing. and from this whole evening came two truths for me to recite every morning as i begin the day. One is that I will see the image of God in everyone I meet today. it's truly transformed how i treat people...and it's not a new idea...but it feels like it.
So with that intention I go to Hillcrest yesterday morning and discover it's Ron's birthday! 61 years! we sang to him and i quickly adapted the content of the activity to revolve around his birthday...it was a blast. Sadly, Anita's nurse never wakes her up and gets her ready in time for group these days. :( but occasionally i get a glimpse of her in the hallway and we have a short visit before i jet off to work...so i see her today and ask her how she's doing. Now it's important to know that we often go on "camping" trips together where everyone gets to bring one thing and we go in the circle and try to remember every item...and anita ALWAYS brings her man, denzel washington, and somehow someone ALWAYS manages to bring kentucky fried chicken along. ???? i love it.
so anyways, the conversation goes as follows:
me: hey! how you doin anita??
anita: i'm doin good, just got my shower, ready for the day. think i'll go campin (with a sparkle in her eye....her good eye. :))
me: oh yeah??? what are you gonna bring?
anita: denzel of course.
me: how bout a bucket of KFC??
anita: oh you know i'm finger lickin good!

freakin made my day.

take care friends.

peace.

last but never least, Taylor

So for the past year and a half the leading man in my life has been one Taylor Andrew Parker. yesterday at church I got a little paranoid...it was as though Pastor Lou had read my journal the night before and was reading it back to me and 700 other people from the pulpit. The sermon was on friendship and more specifically listening...one distinct point was that a friend creates a safe place for the other to speak, where you are not trying to fix, change, or make them more like you, and this is where truth can be manifest. rewind to saturday night...I came home at 1am saturday night and sat down to a heart to heart with taylor (one of thousands) and before i went to bed wrote this, "it seems like your truest friends end up being the ones that create an atmosphere of such unconditional love and acceptance...a safe place in your interaction that often times as your speaking you are able to realize truths for the first time as they fall out of your mouth in the form of words. Taylor has been that friend for me so many times, where i realize the true state of my heart in the middle of my conversation with him because i'm not editing and i'm not self consciously worried about whether or not i've processed something...i'm just free to let my heart be exposed and known."
Taylor, as i'm sure most of my friends already know, is a tall lanky man who loves plants and birds. :) his life's work and energy are spent saving natural habitats, and restoring them with native plants so that endangered species will survive and flourish. he loves humans but feels most comfortable with his hands and feet in the mud...and he's been nicknamed mogley in the house, because his white european feet have been stained black.
he's also my date for coffee 3 times a week beginning today on csulb's campus so that i can FINALLY bust out this thesis that's been haunting me.

so there you have it...allison, sarah, taylor, and me. at allison's church last night she was asked to share about what God is doing in her life specifically with respect to her new living situation. it was a great moment of perspective for me...because for the past month i've just been basking in all the things that are good. just been busy being stoked about my roommates and my habitat and home...and she was so focused on a vision. it got me thinking about louise, the elderly landlady that lives above us...what's her story? is she lonely? does she like apple pie and knitting? and the guy who walks all 4 of his rat sized dogs by our house every night...and the churches and parks that meet around us, and the garden we have to share, and the music nights that happen so often and so spontaneously...and how that should be shared and how others have lives to share...

anyways...i'm excited for our housewarming next sunday night (please come!) and the colliding worlds of these 3 wonderful people i'm so grateful to know.

for those of you who live around the long beach area, we'll be hosting prayer at 6am on wednesday mornings for anyone who would like to come pray, and you're more than welcome to come. also in that spirit...please come over and visit anytime. we'll probably be cooking or chatting or playing music or knitting or getting riled up about a presidental election i'm sure...it'd be great to have you over.

meet sarah

Meet Sarah.

When i first moved to long beach i hated it. i wanted to get back to san diego as soon as i was done with school. in those early weeks/months i went to a church up in monrovia and met sarah. we started reading The Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne together with another girl named heather and a coffee shop at 6am every week. that coffee shop became a favorite spot for me even now and sarah's place of work...and now this wonderful woman sleeps in the room next to mine. Today sarah and i went on a few adventures. Dressed in pj's an apron and cowboyboots, me in ou slippers and a scarf made by my sister, we set out to get groceries and house plants. and along the way shared stories about our high school days, our cars, our love lives, families, passions. it's funny when i realize that i've known sarah more than i've known anyone in Long Beach. i remember days of real sadness. i don't know about depression...but feeling really alone here and driving from 507 E31st street at 6 am through the rain and feeling like this girl was the only person in long beach who really listened and really shared her life and really cared about some of the same things i cared about. so thank you sarah. you are a beloved and admired friend.

Casa Hermosa

Welcome to Casa Hermosa. Home to Taylor, Sarah, Allison and Me. :) After a year and a half in my old place, I'm slowly discovering and appreciating so many things large and small. Like walking barefoot in my house, sitting on a couch in a state of complete relaxation, so many bikes we need a whole room for them, roommates who double as friends, live music all the time, walls filled with books I cannot wait to read (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard was my first recommended choice...thanks allison), records playing, sunlight streaming, candles burning, laughter happily waking me up. I love it. I'm so happy. It is a beautiful house.
Meet Allison (or what I've learned thus far):
Allison was the random newby to my life. Sarah sprung this surprise a week before move in, "I think my friend Allison wants to share a room with me...." God bless you Sarah. A week ago we went on our first adventure just the two of us, a run down 2nd St., two days ago we rode bikes to the pool for a swim early in the morning, last night we played Can't Help Falling In Love With You together on violin and guitar...but i was on guitar and she was on violin...it sounded wretched and i almost peed myself with laughter. She is a wonderful woman with a gift for taking small windows of time and turning them into treasured moments of revelation and wonderment. She also has a wonderful deep belly laugh that makes me want to settle down and hang out for hours. She's a world traveler, whether for pleasure or as a bicycling tour guide through Europe. She also grows lots of tiny plants on our porch and plays the banjo. I'm sold.

There was a time in my life when i had reached max capacity as far as close friends go. I just decided I had given all I could give...and recently I've decided, that's lame.

I held a 7 pound bundle of miracle for 2 hours today while talking to a wonderful friend I met just 2 years ago. I'm not sure if my chest was covered in drool or sweat when he finally woke up but I do know that I don't care. I guess I'm just faced with a lot of inconvenient and expensive trials in my life lately, but they're wonderfully sandwiched in between moments of gratitude for roommates who tackle me with love hugs, a boquet of lilies from the farmers market that's been changing blooms for 2 weeks!!!, people who challenge me to be more like Christ, family that prays fiercly for me, and old people who really seem to love to listen to pete n chelle's music time (possible band name "better than ice cream").

conclusion:
God is good. All the time.

the times they are a'changin.

I'm facing a few changes in the next week...and lately i guess in general. and find myself in a place i often find myself in the midst of changes...somewhat of an identity crisis. although this time, compared to the past at least, i don't feel at all in crisis...just reflective and maybe cautious. what do new possessions, new homes/places, new roommates, new people and relationships mean? or more specifically, who am i as a result? questions i'm continuing to ask and hopefully being honest with myself about...search me and know me God...and maybe clue me in if you can.

In other news...on a short cruise down pch tonight with my beloved roommate i was encouraged to continue to challenge what seems normal. i've been frustrated lately that what's become routine has possibly lost significance or its ability to engage and impact me because it's become routine...but not because it's become less. being accessible to those around me (to God around me) is a recently resurrected idea. hmmm, so pete and i play music at hillcrest...and i remember the first time we rehearsed together i was on this crazy high...it felt like the first time in forever that i was free to just jam. i love playing concerto's but somehow there's much less freedom in bach's 3rd than a spontaneous rendition of Hey Jude for me. but after a few months of this...it's become a little normal...and has since lost a bit of it's glamour...until a new patient starts singing along and visibly enjoying it. then i get another hit of satisfaction. WOW....why the hell am i doing this? MY SATISFACTION!? ew that's gross. I HATE MY NARCISISSM!!!!!!! Lord I am so human it's disgusting.

Thank you for loving us. I have no idea how you do, but i'm confident of that truth. Thank you for the times that I am rewarded with a smile or a thank you or a moment of encouragement, but PLEASE open my eyes to my tendency to look for personal satisfaction and fulfillment in the work you've called me to and my selfish manipulation of a good thing. Open my eyes to the corners (or chambers) of my heart that i would rather not see. to broken relationships that i would rather ignore, to decisions that i would rather close my eyes and make quickly, to painstaking truths that i would like to see through rosecolored lenses. thank you for people in my life who very evidently live close to you and earnestly seek truth...and want to bring others to that place.

thank for love that i do not deserve.
amen.

the wilderness

I just got back from a trip with some old college friends to yosemite national park. We spent a few days camping and hiking up to half dome. it was glorious and physically strenuous (which I thrive on) and beautiful and restful (in the sense that we escaped responsibility) and just liberating. I love the outdoors and I love being in them for extended periods of time, especially in good company. A friend on the trip perked up his ears when I mentioned the idea of doing the John Muir trail...he's actually doing the entire Pacific Crest Trail beginning in April and I just might join him. 2650 miles from mexico to canada....about 5 months to finish.

here are my thoughts...on the one hand, heck yes. that sounds amazing and exhilarating and this is probably the last time in my life that i can as far as time and commitments go. I keep feeling the urge to get out of the country or move to a new city or work in an orphanage somewhere...maybe what i need is 5 months in the wild. and it would be a great last adventure before grad school gets for reals again for another 4-5 years.

on the other hand...5 months is a huge chunk of time. there are all sorts of logistical hesitations like $ and storage for all my crap i wish i didn't have but can't just toss/sell. and while it sounds exhilarating it also is something that seems like it'd just be for me. and i don't think i'd be happy doing something just for me. i don't think i need a big break before i start learning how i can best give again, because giving isn't exhausting to me, it's what makes me come alive. so i think i'd feel not just guilty but empty if i was camping for such a long time. i need to be investing in the lives of people who are in need.

sort of in the same way that new years resolutions irritate me. if you want to change something in your life, why do you wait until january 1st to do it. just do it. right now. I think i'm just antsy because i seem to have found a place/church/people/and potential education and career that i really love and am happy with and am experiencing God in...and i don't think I'm supposed to leave any of it. but i feel like after you finish school somewhere you're supposed to move on...but Long Beach feels relatively permanent...for now. :) anyways...maybe the pct...maybe just john muir...either way i love the wilderness and the solitude and perspective it gives me.

God's creation is SO good.

the girls

i'm sitting in my room. my room that was perfectly clean 24 hours ago. now, i'm surrounded by clothes and beach towels and shoes and suitcases overflowing and the chair i'm sitting on is draped with someone elses jeans...and i love it. The girls are in town. Kristin and Morgan are staying here tonight, tomorrow we'll join chelsea and some other friends from college for a trip up to the top of Half Dome. I was on the beach today with Kristin...in the middle of my scribbling into a journal she asked what I was writing about..."you". I love these girls so much...so much that I'm not at all surprised when plainly asked what I'm writing in a journal and not at all hesitant to answer in detail. When you have friendships like these you just don't have words to describe them, and I have no formula for how to make these kinds of relationships manifest themselves again. but i'm ridiculously grateful.